Big Blue Marble: Episode 1 Read online

  Big Blue Marble SPACE. EARTH. 1 (A space ship comes into

  frame.)

  NARRATOR:

  (Narrator sounds like Tim Russ.)

  "Planet. Earth. Terrestrial. Rocky. Liquid water. Life forms. Carbon Based. Acceptance into the Galactic Union, to be determined."

  EXT. SPACE SHIP. 2 (Zoom into ship.) INT. SPACE SHIP. 3 (The Narrator is on a giant

  holographic screen. About a

  dozen aliens stand in a

  military like formation,

  awaiting orders.)

  Narrator: "The Union wants you to study the world of the

  homo-sapiens. Their cultures, societies, religions, we want to know if this species is, or will be ready to join the Galactic Union. You two will take the form of two normal looking humans. You will each represent each gender, both male and female. You will

  assimilate into their societies. You will study them and report back. DO NOT allow them to know who you are. This is NOT a first

  contact mission. Arom. You will be the commanding officer on this mission."

  (Arom smiles and steps forward with a sense of prestige.) AROM:

  "Well, I gladly accept this

  mission. I have been studying the humans and their civilization for the past five years. I believe I am the most qualified individual for this-"

  Narrator: "Qwag, you will also be going."

  (Arom turns around and looks at Qwag, a human, who just picked his ear and licked it.)

  AROM:

  "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on." (Arom takes a deep breath.) AROM:

  "Your sending "Qwag" with me? I’ve worked my Oogosh off to get this mission. He is only here because Admiral Lintz has a soft spot for inferior species and-"

  (The narrator cuts Arom off.) NARRATOR: "Enough. Arom you are the best person for this mission. The Union is very intrigued by how Qwag is going to react to seeing his home planet for the first time. But, if you don’t want this mission I’m sure someone else would be happy to take it..."

  (Arom looks at the ground then at Qwag, who is smelling his hand for some reason, and swallows her pride.)

  AROM:

  "Okay, I’ll take the assignment." NARRATOR:

  "Good. All the mission intel will be in your computers. We are

  beaming you down with one

  thousand U.S. dollars. You will find shelter then what the humans call "jobs." Most human language is made up of very simple pitches and is easy to understand. However, your computers have a translator built in. This ship will be called back to the union. We will be back in one Earth year. Good Luck."

  (A blue light glows around Arom and Qwag. They

  disappear.)

  EXT. FIELD. 4 (The blue light glows and Arom

  and Qwag reappear They are

  wearing black and grey

  jumpsuits. They look human,

  well more human. They have

  hair and more humanoid

  features. Arom is a woman and

  Qwag is a man.)

  (Arom holds up her forearm to

  her face and a holographic

  circular screen opens.)

  Arom: "Transport complete." Narrator: "Good luck commander. Transmission out."

  (The screen closes.)

  (Arom and Qwag look around. Qwag notices some buildings in the distance.)

  Qwag: "Commander. Is that our destination?"

  (Arom opens the computer and

  opens a map.)

  Arom: "Yes. Let’s start walking." (As they walk they see people in cars driving by them.) (Qwag sees a human hitch hiking.)

  Qwag: "Sir."

  (Qwag points over toward the hitch hiker.)

  Arom: "What is it doing?"

  (A car pulls over and picks the hitch hiker.)

  Arom: "Woah! That metal animal just ate him?!"

  (Qwag puts his arm out like

  the hitch hiker.)

  Arom: "Lieutenant what are you doing?" Qwag: "Studying."

  (A car pulls over. The window rolls down.)

  Driver: "Where are you guys

  heading?" Arom: "Uh..."

  (Qwag points toward the buildings.)

  Driver: "Well, get in. I’m going the same way."

  (Arom and Qwag struggle to

  understand how to open the

  door and get in the car.)

  (The car drives off.)

  INT. CAR. 5 Driver: "So, where are you guys

  from?"

  Qwag: "From a distant planet, a thousand light years travel through deep space-"

  Arom: "N-needle! Space Needle." Driver: "Oh, Seattle. Beautiful city. Go Hawks." Arom: "Yes, go, hawks, indeed." (Arom turns around to give Qwag, who is sitting in the back seat, a dirty look.)

  Driver: "So, what are you guys doing down here?"

  (Qwag notices that humans like

  to socialize.)

  Qwag: "We are here to study your society. Your customs, your way of life."

  Driver: "Oh, sociologists. From U-dub?"

  Qwag: "U-what?" Arom: "U-dub, yes. We are from U-dub." Driver: "I never went to college. Just right into the work force after high school. My parents couldn’t afford college."

  (The car pulls up to a shopping mall.) EXT. PARKING LOT. 6 Driver: "Well, here we are."

  (Arom and Qwag get out of the

  car much easier this time.)

  Driver: "Good luck with

  your research."

  (Qwag waves and smiles like a

  dummy. The car drives off.)

  (Arom pulls Qwag’s arm down.)

  Arom: "What is this place? It’s

  full of those metal transport

  vehicles again and buildings and

  hundreds of humans."

  Qwag: "I think it’s a place where human’s "job." Arom: "Well, okay. Let’s split up and try to find a job. Meet back here in one human hour."

  Qwag: "Yes, sir."

  (Arom and Qwag split up. Arom walks toward a pizza place and Qwag walks into a clothing store.)

  INT. PIZZA PLACE. 7 (Arom waits in line as people

  get their pizza. Some people

  behind her whisper about her

  clothes and how strange they

  are. She hears people order

  what they want and is

  fascinated when they get what

  they ordered. She gets up to

  the counter.)

  Arom: "I would like one job

  please."

  (The pizza worker reaches

  behind the counter and hand’s

  Arom an application.)

  Worker: "Fill this out and turn it in. Next."

  (Arom steps to the side and

  someone orders.)

  (Arom leaves the restaurant.) INT. CLOTHING STORE. 8 (Qwag is staring at people as

  they look at clothes. He has a

  dumb founded look on his

  face.)

  (A person looks over at him

  and quickly looks away.)

  (Qwag talks to himself.)

  Qwag: "Look at all these jobs."

  (He starts looking through the

  clothes. An employee walks up

  to him with a big smile.)

  EMPLOYEE:

  "Can I help you find something?" (Qwag smiles.)

  (Montage of Qwag trying on different clothes.)

  EXT. PARKING LOT. 9 (Arom and Qwag meet up in the

  parking lot. Qwag is carrying

  a bunch of bags and Arom is

  carrying papers.)

  Arom: "So, did you get a job?" Qwag: "Yes! I did. A bunch. Let me show you."

  (Qwag reaches into the bags

  and pulls out a Hawaiian

/>   shirt.)

  Qwag: "Look at this job. It’s really pretty."

  (He pulls out another one.) Qwag: "And this job is what the human’s call "bluuue."

  Arom: "Those are not jobs, Qwag. They are "shirts." Is that whole bag full of shirts?"

  (Qwag pushes the bags behind him.)

  Arom: "Well, while you where "shirt

  shopping." I was was "job"

  searching."

  (Arom holds up the

  applications.)

  Arom: "These are applications.

  Human’s write down letters and

  words describing their skills and

  experience to get a job."

  (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 7.

  Arom: "Now that we have jobs. We must find shelter."

  Qwag: "These buildings would make an excellent shelter." Arom: "Yes, they would but I do not think the human’s live in these buildings. I think they construct different buildings for living in."

  Qwag: "Hmm... what about

  "classified ads?" The human’s have them in folded papers."

  (Arom and Qwag buy a news paper from a machine.)

  (Qwag flips through the paper. Rotating it all over the place.)

  Arom: "How many currencies do we have left after, your shirts?" (Arom just looks at the money

  and instantly knows how much

  they have.)

  Arom: "We currently contain nine hundred U.S. dollars. Let us locate a property for that price."

  Qwag: "Here is something sir." (Arom looks at the paper.)

  Arom: Studio apartment. Utilities

  paid. three hundred a month with a

  three hundred dollar deposit."

  Qwag: "This would make excellent living quarters sir." Arom: "I agree lieutenant. We should locate this property and acquire it. What is the address of the property?"

  Qwag: "Ten, fifteen south main." Arom: "Let’s move."

  (Qwag sets the paper on the ground. Arom and Qwag walk away.)

  EXT. STREETS. SIDE WALK. 10 (Cars pass Arom and Qwag as

  they walk.)

  Arom: "How primitive this species

  is. They allow kinetic energy to

  escape them when they use

  transportation. They should harness

  it and cut down their dependency on

  petroleum."

  Qwag: "We are here sir."

  (In front of them stands a two

  story building. The building

  is run down and trashed.)

  (Arom and Qwag stand in front

  of the building staring at it

  until the manager walks out.)

  (The manager is wearing a

  wrinkled collared shirt with

  blue jeans and tennis shoes.

  The manager is full of

  himself. He acts like his

  properties are top of the line

  sky lofts with a view of the

  moon but of course they are

  just run down apartments.)

  Manager: "Can I help you with some

  thing?"

  Arom: "How do we acquire this property for living?" Manager: "You mean rent it?" Qwag: "Sure..."

  Manager: "Well, come into my office."

  (Arom and Qwag follow the

  manager into the office.)

  EXT. GROCERY STORE. 11 (Qwag stands outside the store

  in amazement as people walk in

  and out. He notices the humans

  are using a metal basket to

  carry there food. He grabs a

  cart and walks in.)

  INT. OFFICE. 12

  Manager: "Please take a seat." Qwag: "Thank you so much." (Qwag picks up the chair.)

  Arom: "Sit, in it."

  Qwag: "Oh, yeah, right."

  Arom: "Sorry about that. He’s trying to be a comedian." Manager: "Well, he’s on the right track. Anyway, the only apartment I have available is a deluxe limited studio. The space is great for wine parties and art shows or just quite city living. It has all the

  amenities, dishwasher, fridge, stove you know the basics."

  Arom: "We’ll take it." Manager: "Okay great."

  (The manager digs through some paper work on his desk to find the contracts.)

  Manager: "Okay, just sign these and it will be twelve hundred bucks." AROM:

  "Twelve? The paper advertisment qouted six hundred."

  (The manager has the look of being caught in a lie and eagerly tries to cover it up.)

  MANAGER:

  "Oh, yes that’s right it’s the half off special. I’m sorry I manage a lot of high end properties I must have gotten confused. Ha-ha anyway, uh, yes six hundred."

  (Arom and Qwag sign the paper work and give the manager the money.)

  Manager: "Alright, here are your keys and the apartment is number two - ten. It’s on the second floor. The stairs are just past this door. Thank you."

  Arom: "No, thank you."

  (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 10.

  (Arom and Qwag leave the office.) INT. APARTMENT. 13 (Arom and Qwag stand in the

  door way of there new

  apartment. The apartment is

  completely empty except for a

  single chair sitting in the

  middle of the room.)

  Arom: "So, this is how humans live,

  huh..." Qwag: "Aw, c’mon, it’s not all bad. We have our own chair."

  (Qwag walks over and sits in the chair with his legs

  stretched straight out in front of him.)

  Arom: "Well, now that we acquired

  an apartment we should now find

  some sustenance."

  (Qwag grabs his stomach.)

  Qwag: "I agree but where do we find

  it? This species has obviously

  surpassed hunter and gather and

  even the agrarian stage."

  (Arom puts her arm up and opens her computer.)

  Arom: "Computer, how do modern

  humans acquire "food?"

  (The computer brings up

  pictures of grocery stores and restaurants.)

  Arom: "It seems these humans don’t

  have to scavenge much for food.

  There are buildings called "Grocery

  Stores" that are filled with a

  large variety of different types of

  food. Lieutenant, I’m assigning

  this task to you. Take some moneies

  and acquire food. I will tend to

  the apartment."

  Qwag: "Yes, sir."

  (Qwag leaves the apartment. Arom sits in the chair looking at her computer.)

  INT. GROCERY STORE 14 (Music is playing and a sudden

  radio commercial advertising

  Donald Trump for president

  comes on.)

  Qwag: "Woah... Where do I begin?"

  (He looks over and sees the

  produce section and decides to

  start there.)

  (Qwag walks around the produce

  area feeling and tasting the

  fruits and vegetables. Some he

  likes and decides to put in

  the cart others, not so much.)

  (After the produce he moves to

  the bakery. He puts a dozen

  different types of bread in

  his cart. Next is dairy

  followed by meat. Then he

  wonders into the snack food

  aisle. He looks around in

  wonder as he puts dozens of

  chips, cookies, crackers,

  soda, and beef jerky in the

  cart.)

  Qwag: "Now, how do I purchase these

  items?"

  (He watches as people pay

  another person behind a

  counter for the food.)

  Qwag: "Huh, that’s interesting."

  (He stands in line and watches

  as the person in front of him

  puts there groceries on a br />
  conveyor belt, into bags then

  back into the cart.)

  (Qwag walks up to the cashier

  as his food is being scanned.)

  Cashier: "Hello, how are you

  today?"

  Qwag: "Standard. Can’t complain. How are you?"

  CASHIER:

  "I’m doing well, thank you." (The cashier scans his food.) Cashier: "Okay, your total is one hundred, thirty-two, fifty."

  (Qwag hands the cashier a wad of money and leaves the store.)

  INT. APARTMENT. 15

  AROM:

  (Sitting in chair waiting) "Qwag! What have you acquired on your scouting mission?"

  QWAG

  I have a plentiful supply of groceries! I have the humans Twinky cakes, the bars of snickers, the cups which have been labeled as belonging to Reese...

  AROM

  Damn it Qwag! That’s all candy! Every planet’s the same, we need to acquire nutritionally sound-

  PHONE STARTS RINGING QWAG AROM "AHHHHHH!!!!!" QWAG

  What is happening??? What have you done!

  AROM

  Me????? You must have angered the transcendors with your silly use of credit!

  PHONE RINGS AGAIN

  both screaming AROM

  I told them at the mothership not to pair me up with these,

  glorb-sucking, green-blooded, DOU-

  PHONE RINGS AGAIN QWAG

  WELL..... DO something!!!!!!! The two of them approach the phone and prepare to assault it. They pick up weapons and just before they swing comes one more RRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG and they fall down in fear.

  Qwags swipes at the phone in pansy-like fear and he knocks the reciever off the hook, the noise is done... the two look at each other, take a breath, and hold up the phone

  (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 13. PHONE

  (muffled) hello uhh yes is this Arom?? This is Jeff down here at the Pizza Fantasy I just wanted to see when you could start working, you got the job!

  TO BE CONTINUED... END OF EPISODE 1 16

 

 

  Holtslander, Tom, Big Blue Marble: Episode 1

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